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Kevin Eric Smith
Oh no! Santa has the Gout.....
How to survive the Christmas and Holiday Season if you suffer with Gout
A beacon has been sent out from the North Pole summonsing a doctor to come and see what could possibly be wrong with Santa. He can barely move his foot without pure agony. The weight of his bed cover alone is sending him through the roof in pain. Mrs. Claus is distraught. Mr. Claus is running a fever, he has the chills, and his big toe is as red and shiny as Rudolph's nose.
The doc arrives:
Mrs. Claus: "Doc, what is wrong with my husband? Do you know Christmas Eve is right around the corner!?"
Doc: "I'm not exactly sure, but if I had to guess, I'd say Santa's got the Gout."
Mr. & Mrs. Claus: "THE GOUT? How? Why? What can we do?
Doc: "I've consulted with my good friends over at Alternative Health Research. They have over 20 years of knowledge and experience in this field and happen to be experts on everything related to Gout. Here are some insights....."
"It looks like Santa has put on a decent amount of weight in recent months," said Doc.
The Mrs.: "Well, you know plumping the 'big guy' up before the big night is always the plan."
Doc: "Obesity can affect the heart, blood flow, friendly bacteria levels and nutrient assimilation appointing excess strain on these organs and their essential functions. As a result, extra uric acid production is common. Moreover, the typical diet involved in obesity cases is rarely conducive to healthy uric acid balance."
"Well, his diet has been full of rich foods and LOTS of sugar lately," said the Mrs.
Doc: "Sugar is a lurid offender. Fructose increases uric acid through a complex process that causes cells to burn up their ATP rapidly, leading to "cell shock" and increased cell death (remember 70% of uric acid production comes from the death of your cells!) After eating excessive amounts of fructose, cells become starved of energy and enter a state of shock, just as if they have lost their blood supply. Massive cellular die-off leads to increased uric acid levels. Uric acid can also shut down the production of nitric oxide, a substance needed to protect our artery walls from damage."
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*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.